NUMB
by anne-nime
Summary: My first... and its a song fic! :p An infusion of fruits basket drama and Linkin Park's angst. Please read and Review


DISCLAIMER: I don't own neither Linkin Park nor Fruits Basket (But I wish I do.) This is my way of celebrating my climbing up ala-Sadako from the void where I was imprisoned. I also did this because I can't help but think about the Characters' own dramas (as well as mine) whenever I hear this song.  
  
Let's imagine that this is the video for the song. or maybe one weird opening theme of the series. That's how I imagined it in my head. And I'm sorry to get it so. confusing and so damn long!!! Gomen ne.  
  
Italics - thoughts  
  
I've also indicated the scenes, and from whose thoughts are which, etc. to make it a bit more. uh, understandable. I thought of making it a sort of guessing game. But, in the way I wrote this, I'm sure you'd be too frustrated to think about it. (ENJOY and REVIEW. cool people are doing it. I know you're cool. So post in a review ;p)  
  
4:29 am, 26 August 2003: After finishing a research paper  
  
Silent as a mouse that he is, Yuki steps out of his bed at the dead of the night. The moon shone madly, silver light flooding down the cold wooden floor. Every step is a journey down the past. It confused him; his thoughts swirled around his head, out of control.. Random thoughts of ghosts that made him who he is now. One step more, and he was transported back to that time. yes, I remember it quite well, but why. he asked. I don't need this now..  
  
Music enters (Flashback1: Yuki and Kyou)  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface  
  
"Am I weird?" a child stands in front of an open window, where despite of the light from outside, the face to whom he is inquiring remains hidden. The cold voice answered just as dark and as vile as the shadows. "Yes, you are." he said. "You are weird. And when people find out about what you really are, you will offend them." Is that why I can't have friends?  
  
" But I. I am the only one who understands you. who can love you."  
  
Mother always says that. but every time she checks my wrist to see if my beads are still there.  
  
"Kyou, I love you very much."  
  
Why don't you let me out to play? Why do you keep me here  
  
"Don't you want to be with me?" Akito's voice is very resonant, I can feel him smiling, watching my every move. amused at how he has me by the neck.  
  
Why do you always do this to me? The young neko and nezumi asked... divided by strife, yet united in the predicament of the same chaos.  
  
(Flashback 2: The one where the child Yuki, in a kimono is playing with fireflies by the river, and Kyou was close by. Old women talks in hushed voices as they looked on the two. )  
  
Don't know what you want you're expecting of me  
  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.  
  
"What a lucky child! Born under the year of the rat. He is very special."  
"I'm sure that after Akito-san."  
"What are you saying?! He is the master!"  
"But his death is inevitable. and it is fast approaching, and I am sure Yuki-san will inherit his place."  
"Such a lucky one. Unlike that cursed cat."  
Cursed Cat. that's what they'd call me. What did I do to deserve it. But this is not why I hate the kuso nezumi. Its beyond the cat and mouse fight. It's how the people look down on me.  
  
Because of you. Because of you.  
  
(Flashback three: Haru)  
  
Because. of. you..  
  
"I HATE YOU!!! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!" Haru shouts at the figure by the window... he knows him very well, the cause of his misery. How they think I'm stupid because I was tricked by the mouse. "DON"T YOU KNOW HOW IT HURTS TO BE LOOKED DOWN BY PEOPLE?!?" It's not even my fault. I wasn't my fault that I was the cow in this stupid tale.  
  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
  
Although he felt a little better after really knowing the person behind the mouse, the he is still condemned. leading him to lose his control.  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.  
  
The taunts and jeers didn't stop. To everyone, he is the stupid cow, outsmarted by the tricky mouse. It went on as he grew up. Until something happened. He can't take it anymore.  
  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
  
And Black Haru came into existence.  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there Becoming tired  
  
So much more aware  
  
I lose myself. because sometimes reality bites so hard that I can't take it. And I let the other me take over.  
  
(End of Flashback 3)  
  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me  
  
And be less like you  
  
(Scene now starts inside Shigure's house. Shigure was alone, writing down his new work. He abruptly stops at a thought. for a second, he was caught up inside one conversation with his cousin. he puts his pen down, and lights a cigar. He takes it in. long, deep breaths. )  
  
"I remembered Yuki once telling me how he wanted to get out of this. I how much he hated being one of the Jyuunishi." he turns to the other, sitting in the shadows. He was quiet, but his attentive with what Shigure is telling him. I remembered how I felt too. Shigure thought to himself. "He wanted to be rid of the curse and the name. Such a damn feat that will be." Shigure added, then taking another long drag. "Maa, Ha-san, aren't you going to say anything?" "Aren't you going to tell me anything new?" the dragon snapped back.  
  
Silence.  
  
"At least we're going somewhere." his statement holds a double meaning, about Yuki's moving out to be free, and Hatori finally breaking his vow of silence. Then he explains further. "Moving out. just enjoying every time spent outside." he smiles. A little bit of freedom.  
  
Yeah. at least I'm free here. he tried to convince himself. "Shigure. You know very well the truth."  
  
Yeah, the truth. that I am just like everyone else. like Yuki, like Kyou, even Akito. My cage is just a bit bigger than everyone else. "Well," he stands up, "Remember that time we went to the main house because Tohru wanted to see Akito?" he waits for an answer, but decides to just continue. "After that, at that point, I felt that all the answers are already put in front of me. And then, I told myself 'I have faith with everyone'." .and I know that letting them is a great move on my part.. "All we can do now, Ha- san." he turns to his cousin, still smiling, but a bit serious this time, " is watch and wait."  
  
Shigure continues on with his cigar. He takes Hatori's silence as an affirmation.  
  
I know damn well what you're doing. And I trust them too.  
  
Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly Afraid to lose control  
  
The frail master of he Sohma house can't sleep. Under the rays of the same moon, he sat. The breeze was a bit too chilly for his body to take. But he does not care. Let Hatori worry about that! Let them all worry about that.  
  
(Akito's dark, demented thoughts, in the same night)  
  
Why? Why did you pick that stupid girl over me?  
Why?  
I can't comprehend how someone so. pathetic. can make him happy.  
Pathetic. Is this a game, Yuki? Are you playing with me.  
  
You thought that you've won, Honda san. he stands up, arranging his kimono. The wind grew a bit stronger. In a sudden outburst of rage, he screamed like mad through the night. The servants and Hatori came in to restrain him. As they held him down, he suddenly stopped, and moments later, was reduced to severe coughing. I need him, he needs me. he knows that.  
Okay. I'll play with you. Like when we were young. And I'll see to it that I win. I always win.  
  
You will be back, Yuki. This is where you belong. You'll be back. he finally thought with a smile. The moon shines on. Feeling contented with his prediction, he goes back to sleep. Or maybe its those sedatives Hatori gave him.  
  
(End of Akito's thoughts)  
  
Coz everything that you thought I would be  
  
Has fallen apart  
  
. Right in front of you  
  
"Gomen nasai."  
  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
I mean every word. But sometimes I feel that they don't even care. and they'd really love it if I'd just disappear. I don't want to be a burden anymore, okaa-san. I'm so sorry.  
  
Ritsu was yet again in his own thoughts, just looking outside his window back at the Onsen. The dark sky was patched with fluffy clouds. illuminated by the full moon. It was a sight to behold. But Ritsu seems to be more preoccupied back at the darkness of his thoughts. The sad, depressing thoughts of his existence.  
  
"Gomen nasai." . that I can't be strong enough to stand on my own . that I can't face who I really am..  
  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) And every second I waste is more than I can take  
  
. that, I'm too weak, I can't even kill myself. . but I can't accept everyday, waking up, still alive. to burden everyone yet again.  
  
The cool breeze is refreshing, touching his face, the hand that holds his weary head, his long golden hair. He sighs, and let his thoughts carry him wherever, until he falls asleep. all his worries were temporarily gone, as if carried of by the wind.  
  
(End of Ritsu's thoughts)  
  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there Becoming tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
  
.is to love you. That's all I want to do. To be by your side. I will always protect you, even from Akito. I will, I promise, I promise. Hiro's thoughts sounded loud and clear inside his head, amidst thoughts of how he failed Kisa in the past. "Kisa." he whispered.  
  
"Hiro-chan. what is it?" Kisa asked with a faint voice. She became worried when she turned to see Hiro sad all of a sudden.  
  
"That thing that happened in the past." he starts "I. I." he starts to lose his words. How did that happened? I never had difficulty speaking to anyone. I have it all thought out in my head. I want to apologize. But I can't.  
  
"I." he starts again. No use. I can't think of anything!  
This time, Kisa reaches to his hand. She raises his hand to her hands and closes her eyes.  
Hiro does not understand, but as though Kisa could almost hear him think, she says, "There's no need for words, Hiro-chan." she opens her eyes, and smiles at the boy in front of her. "I have faith in you, and I know you'll never leave. Let's go home now." and she held his hand in hers.  
You're right. I understand it now.  
And they walked home, hand in hand. Unafraid of anyone, of anything. enjoying the little freedom that they have now.  
  
Is be more of me  
  
And be less like you  
  
And I know I may end up failing too  
  
But I know  
  
You were just like me With someone disappointed in you.  
  
(Flashback 4: Akito at age 11. Yuki at age 8. The familiar scene at the Sohma house. In the dark room)  
  
"That is not true. That is not true!!! I own you, ALL OF YOU!!!"  
Bit by bit, Akito feels his anger starting to rise. His sight sickens me at this moment. This is not true. are you making me mad on purpose, Yuki?  
  
But why?  
  
A loud slap. The music abruptly stops. Echo of Yuki's frail body hitting the cold wooden floor. Akito follows due to the impact of the blow he gave Yuki. He is now on his knees, and is struggling to stand up. One way or another, Akito has summed up his will to get the young Yuki into his prison yet again. Yuki was shivering in fright, almost unresponsive that he let him lash out a bit more. he couldn't do anything to stop him. he was lying there, just waiting for him to finish.  
  
The sound of the door closing made the child shiver less. Light slowly faded out, but Yuki, as much as he is afraid of the dark preferred this more than anything did at this point. In the corner of the dark room, he felt joy that today is almost over, and hopes that in the future, he will be stronger. stronger than he is now, stronger than anyone else. Strong enough to walk away and leave, and never go back in this God-forsaken place.  
  
Never again.. Yuki opens his eyes, shaking himself from the reverie. He is back at his room, at the present, staring at the moon, which was still at its fullest glow. The full moon does make us mad. and that's all he could think of to shrug the memory off.  
  
I will find a way. I will. For all of us. For Tohru.  
  
And he just stood there, thinking that his source of strength and hope is fast asleep under the same moonlight. He goes back to bed, but this time, shutting the curtains in to prevent the radiance from messing with his thoughts again. he chuckled, blame it on the full moon.  
  
1205 H 14 September 2003- I finished it in three days but they were so spaced apart because schoolwork was keeping me away from finishing it.  
  
It's so hard to put thoughts into words. Writing is really like giving birth. so please be kind in critiquing my first child, ne?  
  
Got Shigure, Hatori, Yuki, Akito, Kyou, Ritsu, Haru, Kisa, Hiro. Uh-oh, where's Ayame, Kagura and Momiji? And Rin and Kureno? Where's Tohru!!! Gomen ne. and I mean every hiragana that comes with it.  
  
READ AND REVIEW, cool people! ;) EVEN INSULTS, STONES, ROTTEN WHATEVERS ARE ACCEPTED, PROVIDED THAT THEY ARE CONSTRUCTIVE. FLAMES WITHOUT PROPER SUPPORT ARE SIMPLY IDIOTIC. NO POINT IN GIVING ME THOSE, THEN (hehehe..) I APPRECIATE GOOD REVIEWS, BECAUSE REVIEWS FROM GREAT MINDS SHOULD BE GIVEN APPRECIATION. ( 


End file.
